Identity Crisis

There is an old proverb that says, “Pride goes before a fall”. What then do we say about self – deprecation?

Self – Deprecation is the act of disparaging oneself, being modest or self – critical.

I like to think of self -deprecation as a “preemptive strike”.
This maladaptive skill is used to prevent us from being hurt and to control the potential incoming damage either real or imagined.
What does it look like? Well, I think it takes many forms.

One way it comes out is in the refusal to accept a compliment. For example: a person pays you a compliment and your first response is to refute it with a negative statement.

Another form is when someone suggests that you try something new that might be a risk and your immediate response is something like, “I couldn’t do that – I can barely tie my own shoes”.

Self-deprecation is often it is used with humor, but the intent is the same. The person who engages in self-deprecation is seeking attention in a manner that forces the person they are engaging in conversation with to either agree with them or refute what they believe to be false.
When we do this, we unknowingly give others power over us and we continually look to them for approval and validation.

How did I come up with that you ask? Simple, I’ve been engaging in self -deprecation for most of my life and I would venture a guess that many people engage in self -deprecating behaviors without even realizing what they are doing.

For many this act of self -sabotage stems from childhood. Perhaps being raised in a highly critical home where expectations were high. For others it may be the result of being compared to a sibling or classmate and coming up on the short end. For most of us, I believe it is the result of an identity crisis.

Somewhere along the line, we buy into the lie.
The lie that says we are not enough, or that we are too much.
We are too fat, too shy, too loud, too tall, too skinny, too lazy or too _______(fill in the blank).
We believe what advertisers tell us. We belive them when they tell us we have to wash that grey right out of our hair.
We believe our worth is in what car we drive, what clothes we wear, how many wrinkles we have and if our teeth are Hollywood white.

We have forgotten who we are, and Whose we are.

So, if you find yourself in the middle of an identity crisis, take a moment and allow Gods word to remind you of who you are in Christ.

Grace & Peace…Karen Cook

John 1:12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

2 Timothy 1:7
 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Philippians 4:13 
 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

2 Corinthians 5:17
 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!


2 thoughts on “Identity Crisis

  1. Jenny says:

    Man you just described me. But I have been working on this for years. I used to always refute a compliment by saying “I should’ve done better”, with my head hung low. I did come from a childhood of high expectations and never thought my best was good enough. Anyway, I’ve learned now to take a compliment with a nod and a smile and a short “Thank you!” and leave it at that. It acknowledges the effort the person made to make the compliment and it makes me feel a little better about myself.

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