The Spaces In Between

It was the summer I turned seven. The youngest of four, I was skinny, quiet and afraid. This day seemed like many other summer days I had known, and yet it is etched in my memory.

I knew what awaited me and yet lacked the ability to control my own fate.

As I lay on the big four – poster bed that dwarfed my room, I could hear the sound of kids playing through the open window. I wished I could join them, but that was not my decision to make and I knew better than to fight it.

I remember the feeling of cool sheets and a breeze from the open window as it fluttered around me, gently sweeping over my skin and through my hair.

I think it is this moment of tenderness and peace amongst the dread that stands out in my memory the most.

From my place on the bed, I watched the breeze blowing the curtains. They floated with ease and grace as they danced with the wind creating intriguing shadows in the afternoon sun.

Warm summer winds filled my room with the sweet smell of freshly cut grass mixed with the lingering scent of fabric softener on my pillowcase.

These sweet aromas were a stark contrast to the putrid smell of sweat, hot breath and angry words.

As I lay there with veiled tears and bitter pain, I would retreat to a place where no one could hurt me.

In my imagination I would fill my room from floor to ceiling, using up every molecule of empty space. I would stack beds, dressers, desks, lamps, bookshelves, bicycles and anything I could think of to protect myself.

This was the game I played in my mind to protect my heart and soul from the devastation that was being done to my body.

I felt broken, dirty, damaged, lost and ashamed. Worse than that, I had no words.

As I attempted to fill the spaces in between, I was unaware that there was another force at work in my life; this force was the Lord God Jehovah-Rapha.

It would be many years before I would come to know God and begin a relationship with Him, but I see how He protected me, provided for me and prepared me for life in Christ.

As I look back, I see Gods fingerprints all over my life. It is not the life I would have chosen but I know that God has redeemed my circumstances for His glory.

God has taken a fragile, broken, lost little girl and has redeemed and restored me. He has grown me into a woman who loves Him deeply. God has created in me, a heart to know and love Him and to help others find wholeness, health and healing through a relationship with Christ Jesus.

So friends, I hope if you find yourself in a broken, shattered or fragile place, that you will seek the One who can redeem any circumstance or situation.

God can restore us heart and soul and bring us to a place of healing, when we surrender our hearts to Him and allow the Lord to have His way with us.

I know it is difficult to trust after betrayal and hurt, and so does God. He gave His one and only Son Jesus as a sacrifice so that we could live in right relationship with Him.

He knows a thing or two about trust… will you trust Him with your heart today?

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6 thoughts on “The Spaces In Between

  1. USC girl says:

    Oh, Karen. Your vulnerability, honesty, and ability to hear and speak the truth about God’s goodness and love in the midst of the worst life has to throw at us, will lead many to peace. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.

    • KAREN COOK says:

      Thanks Jacki – it has taken me a long time to tell this part of my story, but I do believe God has redeemed every part of my past and so I share it to offer hope to others who have been hurt. Thanks friend…appreciate you!

  2. Liane says:

    The hard times are the worst but even in my own life those the moments that have caused me to have the intimacy that I have with Him today. Definitely not experiences that I want to repeat but also definitely not a consequence that I would give up either. He is such a wonderful and loving God. Thank you for sharing, Karen.

    • KAREN COOK says:

      Thank you Liane…it seems that the times that are the darkest draw us to our knees & it is there that the Lord meets us, draws us near and covers us with His grace. Thanks for stopping by the couch today!

  3. Rebeccadowden says:

    Hey Karen,
    I saw a link to your blog on Shona Neff’s FB page!  I love what your writing.
    I host a radio program on KKIM Christian news & talk – LIVING IN SOUL MOTION on Mondays @ 2pm (MST)/ 3pm (CST).
    I’d love to correspond with you and talk about an interview for the program in the future.

    Please email me —rebeccadowden@gmail.com

    And visit, hopefully, LIKE my ministry page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Living-In-Soul-Motion-Dr-Rebecca-Dowden/186081924788096

    I look forward to talking with you!
    Rebecca

     

    • KAREN COOK says:

      Hi Rebecca,
      Thank you so much for contacting me. I am listening to your show right now!
      I would love to talk with you about working together, I will be in touch soon!

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