It was the summer I turned seven. The youngest of four, I was skinny, quiet and afraid. This day seemed like many other summer days I had known, and yet it is etched in my memory.
I knew what awaited me and yet lacked the ability to control my own fate.
As I lay on the big four – poster bed that dwarfed my room, I could hear the sound of kids playing through the open window. I wished I could join them, but that was not my decision to make and I knew better than to fight it.
I remember the feeling of cool sheets and a breeze from the open window as it fluttered around me, gently sweeping over my skin and through my hair.
I think it is this moment of tenderness and peace amongst the dread that stands out in my memory the most.
From my place on the bed, I watched the breeze blowing the curtains. They floated with ease and grace as they danced with the wind creating intriguing shadows in the afternoon sun.
Warm summer winds filled my room with the sweet smell of freshly cut grass mixed with the lingering scent of fabric softener on my pillowcase.
These sweet aromas were a stark contrast to the putrid smell of sweat, hot breath and angry words.
As I lay there with veiled tears and bitter pain, I would retreat to a place where no one could hurt me.
In my imagination I would fill my room from floor to ceiling, using up every molecule of empty space. I would stack beds, dressers, desks, lamps, bookshelves, bicycles and anything I could think of to protect myself.
This was the game I played in my mind to protect my heart and soul from the devastation that was being done to my body.
I felt broken, dirty, damaged, lost and ashamed. Worse than that, I had no words.
As I attempted to fill the spaces in between, I was unaware that there was another force at work in my life; this force was the Lord God Jehovah-Rapha.
It would be many years before I would come to know God and begin a relationship with Him, but I see how He protected me, provided for me and prepared me for life in Christ.
As I look back, I see Gods fingerprints all over my life. It is not the life I would have chosen but I know that God has redeemed my circumstances for His glory.
God has taken a fragile, broken, lost little girl and has redeemed and restored me. He has grown me into a woman who loves Him deeply. God has created in me, a heart to know and love Him and to help others find wholeness, health and healing through a relationship with Christ Jesus.
So friends, I hope if you find yourself in a broken, shattered or fragile place, that you will seek the One who can redeem any circumstance or situation.
God can restore us heart and soul and bring us to a place of healing, when we surrender our hearts to Him and allow the Lord to have His way with us.
I know it is difficult to trust after betrayal and hurt, and so does God. He gave His one and only Son Jesus as a sacrifice so that we could live in right relationship with Him.
He knows a thing or two about trust… will you trust Him with your heart today?