For the last four years of my life, I have been a student. I’ve taken many tests in this process, but none have compared to the testing of my faith.
Over the last several weeks, I’ve been challenged in almost every area of my life. This testing process has caused me to question my motives, my abilities, and myself.
While I have spent much of my mental and emotional energy trying to decipher what was going on, I realized that I needed to enroll in remedial faith. The school of life had handed me a test, and I was flunking out of faith 101.
I am currently in the final weeks of my masters program and am moving into the clinical aspect of being a therapist. As such, I am faced with many decisions. Where will I do my internship? Who will supervise my hours? How will I balance my work/family life? Why is Lady Gaga so outrageous and what am I going to make for dinner tonight? So many questions and so few answers.
This is the place, where my pride would like to say I have all the answers and that in maturity and wisdom I sought the Lord in prayer and relinquished control to God Almighty…. but I don’t have all the answers and I didn’t give up control – not without a fight anyway.
In my desire to control my own destiny and help God out in the day-to-day operation of His kingdom, I attempted to assume control of my life and the options available to me. I know – how big of me right?
With perspective the size of a pinhead, I set out to plan my destiny and ensure peace, harmony and success in my life. The only problem is that nothing was going my way…so like a three year old; I threw a hissy fit with God.
While neck deep in stress and self imposed worry over my future, my good friend Beth challenged me. Beth and I have been friends for many years and she is one of the truth tellers in my life.
She simply and graciously reminded me that God is in control. He has more than just my immediate needs in mind and can be trusted with my present and my future.
In all my scheming, planning and worrying I completely overlooked faith. I had become so obsessed with the doing that I neglected to focus on being with the Lord.
When I finally stopped seething from my temper tantrum and took time to read and pray I recognized why I failed.
My failure to plan my own destiny occurred because I planned it.
In my attempts to get my own way, I completely negated God. I took Him off the throne and in doing so grieved His heart.
So, I have decided that even though I have a master’s degree, I still need to enroll in faith 101 in the school of life. I realize I am predisposed to settle for far less than Gods best for me and that I need to get back to the basics of trusting Him to meet my needs, my wants and desires.
What about you, what area do you need to go back to the basics?